HAPPY NEW YEAR YA'LL! A new glow for all of us. Saturn is in Capricorn, and New York is going through a wild winter. Quite the powerful time.
I spent the last of my year with my family and friends, and then spent most of the first week by myself. I took a two week vacation from my job, and spent one half with family, and kept another all for myself. I'm forever dreaming of creative retreats, and I thought this would be the perfect time for that. But you know, life is humorous, and my apartment is very cold, and my plans didn't go as I thought. Turns out that more than making, what I needed was to really step back and remind myself why I'd event want to make. I have so many goals, and they involve time and effort and sweat, and why am I going so hard again? And how exactly do I plan to do all this?
I know I want to do this, but I've been holding myself back. I have to continue to remind myself that I can handle the new-ness of this. Discomfort is okay; I'll live.
Am I not capable of learning and improving? Am I afraid of having an opinion? Is my fear of being wrong or disliked bigger than my visions and passions? The only thing that would guarantee failure, or me being exempt of critique, is not doing anything at all. Sitting back and simply taking in other people's work, and longing for a life in which I create and see my potential through. Is that what I want for myself? Do I want to be an expectator? Do I really want to step aside for my fears? No, I do not want to merely watch, and I do not want to my fears to drive my life. I refuse to feel that my life is happening to me, and I'm just reacting. I'm forever growing and adapting, and I get to push past my comfort zone.
I finally made a new zine. The title is "the sun is coming for us", and I made it to reaffirm my commitment to self-care and creativity, and to remind myself that waves have always been part of my process. It's about me using all I got, and prioritizing creative projects, learning, and self-love, in this post-election hell. I can't control the collective level, but I can add to it, and I can be intentional in my own life. The biggest goal is to build the life I want for myself.